Friday, July 25, 2008

abdi's dream house. . .

this sms yesterday evening from dearly beloved, in the middle of bloody no-where.

bad signal. can't phone. saw baby elephant die. herd picking it up. In huge thicket.. Trumpeting. Panicking Mexicans. Getting late. Me worrying. Crying daughter. Just got here to LMTL (sic. Lake Manyara Tree Lodge)

the art of the sms. words, calm as apples, on a screen.

i can't quite get out of my head this vision of mexicans in large sombreros huddled together in the car with wildly ranting elephants crashing about in the undergrowth....and safari craig keeping it all together. whew. note to self: must get story and pics when he gets home.

reasons why i must not smoke again:

because it was so hideous giving up. cold turkey. sweats, shakes and lets never forget The Rage (which i clearly smoked away for twenty years or so). i now run it away. once in a blue moon, it seems.

everyone says my skin is much better. (not convinced - think they are just being polite and anyway of course all the wrinkles are stretched out because i have put on weight since quitting.)

my voice is stronger when i sing. love this.

i feel healthier.

its an intelligent life affirming thing to not smoke.

and i don't want to be a fat smoker. that's a lose lose situation.

its the week-end. farrier abdi came up this morning. to shoe all the horses. i asked him how life was for him.

hard. life is hard. he said.

if abdi could have one thing that would change everything in his life, by the geni, he would choose a three bedroom house, in moivaro (foothills of mt meru). it would be blue and "rangi ya maziwa" - (colour of milk) so i said Oh white? and he said no no no! me: cream? abdi: yes yes. i love that colour. i love that colour. like elephant teeth.

later i am supposed to be going to someone'e 40th. which means i will most likely have to change. what an effort. it also means i will have to cut short my schooling time with the horses. because it starts at 5:30. i have to drag all the chidren with me. what a bloody drag.

if i don't go the few friends that will be there will all talk about me and worry about me - that i'm not socialising enough, that i'm bored, that i need to do something with my life (but why, i wail), that essentially i am deeply unhappy. unfulfilled. apparently allegedly and all that.

maybe i'll go anyway. and prove them right.

hah. fun.

national anthem of the week: Burning Down The House by Talking Heads. (replace "house" with "car")

song dedication to a martian: Road by Nick Drake.

toddely pip and bisous xx j

Kitchen Board: Groovy Saturday Afternoon: 26th July 2008

Contributors: Daniel, Miranda, Janelle and Eliza

Comments: its TRUE! they are.


tam said...

J baby the biggest reason not to smoke is that you are now FREE!! You are not slave to the packet of smokes, love. Your own woman. And the vocal chords - that's the best part. love you, probably won't be around much for the next few weeks. will pop in when i can. xx

john.g. said...

I haven't had, nor wanted a cigarette for over a year now! Hypnotism did it for me!

ciara said...

good job on not smoking! and singing better? that's always good. i don't smoke and can't sing at all LOL wish i could though.

lovely dream for abdi...everyone should have a dream, no?

Janelle said...

hey! yes ciara, exactly, everyone should have dreams KABISA!

thanks tam and john g for encouragement...sometimes its skating on thin ice. but i won't i won't. and tam - throw some of my love to those malawian winds and to the lake of stars...special place...for sure. safari njema... xxx j

Diana said...

Truly, it would be a huge shame to have to go through all the quitting AGAIN. Nothing like feeling like you must go and have fun with people when you really don't want to. Hope you had a good time in spite of it.

tut-tut said...

Hello! I've been away; I'll be reading your exploits over the next few days. Quitting smoking is difficult, but then I never wanted to take it up again, after having one and feeling so nauseated I wanted to crawl under the covers.

Ernest de Cugnac said...

Martian, eh? Well done for quitting. My parents were both heavy smokers which really put me off for life. And my pa died at only 53, hypertension etc not helped by his habit. Not meaning to be gloomy, just reinforcing your brave actions.

Janelle said...

thanks thanks you all for keeping me on the straight and narrow...its great. will NOT smoke...every now and then i am tempted and then think FOR WHAT???? so STUPID. xxx janelle

mouse (aka kimy) said...

good mantra to have since smoking is still on the mind. it's hard, I'm a recovered smoker...been 30 years and if it wasn't bad for you and made you stink I'd probably still smoke.

I hope abdi gets his house....or at least finds life not to be so hard. he does have a beautiful smile.

it is interesting to read what your db choose to share in a text...heartbreak...hugs and calm all around

Reya Mellicker said...

Sorry about your car, glad to hear you're trying not to smoke. I tried smoking once - it was so strong I had to lay down for about 10 minutes. Wow. Strangely that experience made me want to smoke some more, but I didn't.

I love reading about your life, the people around you. What do you teach the horses to do?

Always wondered what it means to "do something" with a life. Aren't you doing it already? Well??

Janelle said...

thanks for visiting reya!! well quite. i am doing it. completely and willingly and joyfully. so there! thanks for all the inspiration...! xxx janelle

house and lot for sale philippines said...

WOW! That is a great design of your home. Like the colors too.