Wednesday, June 17, 2009

do not adjust your sets...


do not adjust your sets.

this station has been temporarily out of order.

ngorobob broadcasting corporation (nbc) would like to re assure you that their um, technician is hard at work, 24 hours a day, trying to re wire transmission. the government of tanzania is not assisting. they claim the ngorobobs are out of their jurisdiction and therefore a constant internet connection is deemed unnecessary as is a steady or even an intermittent power supply.

oh and the fiber optic cable between here and there has been severed under dubious circumstances.

i have been out of order. so to speak.

i have been temporarily distracted by:

1. a burning hatred for my cats.
2. attempting to educate and inspire a smattering of "challenged"students.
3. de primatising ( or re humanizing) my kids. whichever way you want to look at it.
4. a series of late nights.
5. horses.
6. banditos on the hill. baddies. roaming under a slice of moon
7. terrifying tooth pain.
8. and a string of unmentionably ridiculous thoughts.

in order to remedy part of the situation i have:

1. de balled the cats and thrown them out of the house. which automatically rectified number 4.
2. i have accepted that my children are part baboon part human. accepting things you cannot change is, ultimately, liberating.
3. i have decided that should the roving banditos, who roamed the hill the other night, decide to return, i will kill them. i have lain long and low and dreamed up terrible scenes of violence on my stair case. shotguns up nostrils. that sort of thing. it will make "no country for old men" look like a walk in the park with enid blyton.
4. i have accepted the fact that i shall always be distracted by horses. naturally. this will never change.
5. i have finally accepted that all nighters are completely damaging and it is a terribly lonely thing to be wandering the hills under the pale veil of a grey and misty dawn. cold. and on a sunday morning. it's just, well, horrible.
6. i have resorted to a breakfast cocktail of fruit salad, strong coffee and timothy leary type pain killers. for my tooth you understand.(ok. i lied about the fruit salad)
7. my brain windscreen wipers are on full speed, sweeping away thunderstorms of stupendous thoughts and remains, once more, a marvelous blank slate...
thank-you for your patience. again. do not adjust your sets. it's reality gone wrong. nbc sends lashings of apologies for any inconvenience caused.

toodely ole toot, then, oh bestest beloveds.....bisous X.X.X fiber opticky ones....



15 comments:

Miranda said...

heh heh. pole sana for the toothache still. Glad you're laying off the fruit salad, nothing good can come of it

Bill Stankus said...

You know, soaking pieces of fruit in whiskey or vodka for a while does make an acceptable fruit salad.

The killing of bandits, or at least the thought of killing the bandits, is not so easily imagined and done. Best-laid plans usually go sideways. Still, a shotgun is a forceful tool. Perhaps because of cops and robbers movies but the sound of a pump shotgun being cocked connotes eminent violence – I’ve wondered if the sound all by itself would deter someone entering a house.

Yes, I too think children are part baboon - maybe a few weeks at Baboon Camp might help. Then again, they're children and that's always a 50-50 deal as to results.

family affairs said...

Lots going on then....sort the toothache and all will be well. Lx

Tessa said...

I think Lori has malaria. See what happens to people who love Africa...there is always some sort of revenge. All children bought up in Africa are part primate...and will remain so forever. Don't sweat it. I hope your tooth falls out successfully. You probably went on those all nighters because of your aiyna tooth and the fear of violence. Entirely excusable. Happy blank slate days. Lots of love from me...

What is that restaurant called just outside Arusha where they have braziers hanging over every outside table and a parade of flamingo and ducks and chickens and cats etc., which variously waddle and cluck and screech their way through the diners at midnight like a scene from Alice In Wonderland?

mighty jo said...

its always so much fun to read you! i hope the banditos don't come back--for their sake!
my children screech & throw poo...should i be concerned?

Mud in the City said...

Lordy, lordy - focus on the horses. They are soothing.

As for vodka/painkiller combos, I always find that snorting spirits at breakfast is a sure fire way of numbing everything for most of the day.

Not that I condone that sort of behaviour you understand...
xx

Val said...

even when you are a blank slate your blog posts are entirely engaging! sorry bout the tooth ache, and i hope those bandits have gone way past your place and are lost in the vast reaches of nevercomingbackland; and those late nights...well..whats a girl to do? take good care though xxx

Janelle said...

mo...hmmm indeed. although i have a particular penchant for watermelon...but its rude to pick out all the best bits, isn't it? xxx j

heh heh bill...quite. liked your comment! yes. the deathly click of a rifle being cocked is chilling...and the children must have inherited their primateness from somewhere...no finger pointing here, you understand. x j

and for the rest, tooth will be sorted 3rd july...when the whole thing will start all over again...its behaving itself for the moment...thanks y'all for swingin' by...mighty jo, yes. there is a problem..no throwing of poo please. xxx j

bellananda said...

sometimes i wonder what will happen to us all when there's no longer the energy reserves to keep the electricity running properly, much less the interwebs. will we have to resort to correspondences which take a year to dispatch a single letter halfway across the world, only being reassured that it reached its recipient when, a year after that, we receive the response?

for now, though, i'm thoroughly enjoying your marvellous posts from the wilds of grand africa, even if i don't tell you so often enough. :)

Janelle said...

and there probably won't be any firewood left either...we will burn cow poo....we will be utterly resourceful. and remember the good times...and write letters on homemade paper with guinea fowl quills with ink made from, erhm, poiled up indigo seeds...and the moral is? quit complaining. anyway. i have Power Tonight. Mega Power. hooah.
lovely to hear from you! lots love x j

Janelle said...

oh and tessa...man...ok there is mezza luna..but the flamingos were painted cement ones, along with a range of other cement painted badly sculptures wild animals...but man the pasta and pizza were good...then there is mt meru game lodge...outside arusha...with animals cruising past..like flamingos and eland? and the ethopian restaurant also sports a pair of live sad flamingoes..let me know if anything rings a bell here? xxx j

alex said...

hehehehe..love it love love it

hope your tooth is better...it seems to have been a long time.

karen said...

poor you! Roll on 3 July for the tooth. I must say that fruit salad sounded a bit tooo much! Hope your fibre optic is sorted out soon, and don't worry, the kids will never completely de-primatise!! Tessa's restaurant sounds too fascinating, as well.. wow! have a great weekend x

Karen said...

It's great to read a dispatch from you, whenever it arrives, so no worries! Hope the tooth & children & banditos calm down enough not to be worrisome. I agree w/the earlier commenter who said stick with the horses... hang around with them... talk to them... listen to what they say...

Cheers! (over breakfast, natch)

Janelle said...

eh alexi! well. tooth is stable..but every now and then it decides to do a little VERY little sort of throb....anyway. it all gets sorted on 3 July....XXX
and thanks karens..! good of you both to swing by...much appreciated always...and of course hosses are the only way really....XXX j