Tuesday, June 2, 2009

killing fantasy...

if i rightly recall, i opened my blogging career focused on dentists.


it appears that most people dislike, read as passionately hate, going to the dentist. the mere thought of them makes me curl up in a foetal position almost immediately and wish myself away to another planet and dimension. i spent yesterday in a dark corner of the staff room hiding behind my himalayan scarf, pale and peeky.


night before last i was sitting next to the fire (the first this season. winter has sneaked in, whimsically so.) perusing some music, listening to the crickets and the logs snapping in the hearth and happily munching my way through a packet of mini snicker bars when SNAP, my tooth snapped in half. i sat gawping at my enamel chip lying in my hand, amongst glistening globs of chewed toffee. dead panic gripped the pit of my stomach. it's honestly terrifying. almost like holding one's fallen off foot in your hand. i sat tensely, waiting for that particular nerve pain to shoot through my head. nothing.

nothing for it but to take myself off to t, the macedonian (or is she romanian?) dentist. as i turned into her immaculate driveway i kept telling myself i was doing a healing positive thing for myself. which is completely true. but it still didn't stop the galloping hooves of a million horses in the pit of my stomach. i thought: here is a chance to practise finely tuning the mind....to think of things more pleasant to distract from the imminent oral butchery. think of like kissing someone, think of someone laughing. think of, well, ya know....

it didn't work. drill on enamel is a powerful, very powerful, tool. it kills fantasy.


i sternly re warned dr t of my fear. yes yes she remembered. of course. the thing is, i am unafraid of injections, just nerve pain. i instructed her to give me as many injections as possible. you know, over do them for christ's sake. and away we went. drill drill poke poke...i clammed my eyes shut and tried my best to think of well, you know, more pleasant things in life... i didn't feel a thing. but the fantasy images were blown away in seconds. i lay coiled, like a cobra about to strike. my friend andre once punched a dentist. dr t forced me to look at the gaping broken tooth. in a little round mirror. i said i didn't want to but she made me. at gun point. at drill point. i blanched.


anyway - she has fixed it temporarily but warned that i might feel severe pain - pain so extreme that i would see stars.....wtf??? so i swung past the chemist and bought special pain killers for teeth. the nice hindu chemist lady smilingly assured me they would work. man. are they wonderful? i popped one last night and was a goner by eight thirty....completely goofed. never saw or felt any stars or dreams. or anything. you could've happily slowly sawed off my toes one by one with a blunt old hack saw and i wouldn't have felt a thing.



just to set the record straight. bad luck comes in threes. friend died. dog died. broke a tooth. think it's over now. better times ahead. for sure. oh. and my little horse was a complete spotty star at the clinic....he flew over the jumps, with little angel wings on each of his feet....we almost won, if it hadn't been for the giant black horse called Dakota from Namibia who pipped us....but everyone knew that delly belly was actually the best horse on the planet ever....(if only i owned a hat which matched his stardom and not an upside down potty)



KITCHEN BOARD: WEDNESDAY MORNING: 3 JUNE 09

look. am not sure who wrote "ass". it must have been a boy. otherwise a pure and unadulterated veronica board. all this shopping has been ticked off...apart from the "ass" bit.

so toooodely old toot, y'all. at least we're half way through the week...

bisous, great passionate ones in a phone booth...(huh?) X X X . j


20 comments:

Val said...

tooth ache is THE WORST - hope its sorted now. Dont keep snicker bars in the fridge any more ok?
what sort of hat would you wear to match Delly Belly?
congrats on the show xxx

word veri ' uroked' - You're Ok'd?

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

how odd...I have a draft dentist post waiting for my attention..I shall leave it a while before I post it...but I am here with you in every step and sharp intake of breath!

FFF x

Miranda said...

Ah Janelle, sorry for that. Toothache and earache are no fun. But I suppose giving birth is high up on the aina scale too. Fok!

So what you need to do is pop over to our house and leave the rest of the snickers in our fridge okay? Thanks! I'm doing you a favour...

Word veri is pantstr heh heh

Wil Robinson said...

I don't see mini-Snickers bars on the board...

I once shattered a wisdom tooth on some beef jerky...and waited two years before it really started aching before I had it pulled.

I share your fear - and the odd sense of fear that strikes a person when they lose a tooth. I swear its because my mother told me so many times that "once you lose your teeth, it's permanent, so brush them..."

karen said...

Oh no... I broke a tooth once, it was indeed a terrifying feeling! Hope you don't start seeing those stars too soon??

So sorry to hear about the dog :(..thinking of you. Been there many a time x

PS You have been "splashed" (visit my blog!)

family affairs said...

I remember that post you wrote about nerve pain....when do you get the permanent fixture? Really sorry to hear about your dog - how sad.

Great news that your horse was a star although I have to say I'm not that impressed if that was the highest jump you both managed....Lx

Elizabeth said...

Hope all is well with your tooth?
If the US is good for one thing it's dentists and hideously expensive ones
but mine gives me 'sweet air' (gas) for anything
I've got him trained
so get totally stoned whenever I go
such fun

wordverification:unking
very odd

Janelle said...

thanks y'all for your kind commiserations... wil, what mothers will say, eh? someone's ma once said stop picking your nose or your brain will collapse!?
and lulu, that was the first round ok? and we're only just beginning...i would jump the sky to impress you..watch this space!
lotslove all round x j

Mud in the City said...

Ouch! Toes curling here - that's been on my to do list for far too long. No Snickers for me!

This time next weke I will be riding in Africa - so exciting! Off to packj my chaps tonight. And the painkillers, my thighs aren't going to forgive me that quickly...

Lori ann said...

wait, a himalayan scarf?? oooohhh.

Luckily, you'll be all set for next time with your soft scarf(wrap up for comfort)and a new bottle of pain meds.See?

So sorry about your dog,sad. But, great news (and photo)about your horse challenge, that would have scared me worse than the dentist!

love ☺ lori

Shelley said...

I completely sympathize about your dental anxiety...with me it's not so much the pain, as it is having all that stuff in my mouth for a couple of hours or more.

I'm right on the the edge of a panic attack when he puts that awful rubber dam in my mouth - I feel like I can't breathe or swallow - a horrible trapped feeling.

My dentist doesn't think anyone needs gas for ANY procedure (or pain pills for that matter), so there's not even that to look forward to. I miss the good old days (1980's) when they would hook you up to the nitrous as soon as you sat down, even just for a cleaning.

Dumdad said...

We go to the dentist en famille and I try to be brave in front of my kids but, really, I'm terrified. I flinch at every probe of the dentist's jabby, pointy instrument - and that's before injections and drillings.

nmj said...

Dentists are scary, there is no getting way from it, their surgeries apparently full of Victorian instruments of torture. Glad you felt no pain, and God bless the Hindu chemist lady for giving you such lovely drugs. Heal well x

mighty jo said...

im so sorry about your dog and about your tooth.
i understand how losing a tooth is like losing a foot! i think it's a human instinct due to a far-away past where no teeth meant imminent death. so i fiercely guard my teeth--& strangely--love to go to the dentist. admittedly i also like to go to doctors & therapists--so this might be a mental disorder yet to be named....

Bee said...

I've had that happen, too -- with a back molar that had been filled many years ago with that silver stuff. Teeth are such a bad design; one of our weakest points, and they don't hold up at all.

(Horrible story: One of my husband's aunties had all of her teeth pulled for her 40th birthday present!!)

And to end on a happier note: You look very elegant on your spotty horse.

Anonymous said...

sorry about your doggy J.

beautiful sky.

I would like to be sitting by the fire with you and famille getting ratted...not the children of course just Craigo you and I...I would then go and wake the said children up and make them dance with me and they would love me....

you look gorg in white on your horse with the world war one fighter pilot hat on..and congrats.

hope new tooth is ok.

Anonymous said...

I mean ww two

Lover of Life said...

I'm with you on the dentist bit. I went four years without "a cleaning" because we were moving around and I didn't trust any other dentist than the one I had forever. When we moved back I went in, and well, lets just say - I will never go four years without a cleaning again! As much as I hate it - it's better to go more frequently.

Janelle said...

mud fab you are coming over to afrique to ride...next time come further north east to tee zed! brilliant...have best time ever...safari njema! x j

lori FAB you're back and can't wait to hear all tales....! a friend gave me the himalayan scarf..its so warm..think its nepalese or something like that...xxx j

shelley, indeed...80's were mad and rocking! xxx j

oh DD think you're sensationally brave to be the living example of the perfect dental patient! have a very funny image of you! heh heh! xxx j

thanks bee! the riding was such fun..WHAT? ALL HER TEETH FOR A 40th B DAY PREZZIE!? bloody hell!? xxx j

ok so WHO is this anonymous friend? sign your name poodle brain..X j

hey lover of life...cleaning is a piece of old takkie! not a problem..its the effing drill...and those metal hooks and things...oooergh. XXX j

alex said...

oh sorry its me...Phoebs!! xxxx