Friday, April 15, 2011

How To Jar And Pickle A Black Necked Spitting Cobra (naja nigricollis)

(this picklin' process must, be accompanied by George Thoroughgood's Who Do You Love but change the rattle snake bit to " Got a Cobra Skin For A Neck Tie" or Townes Van Zandt's Snake Mountain Blues or Darlin' Ukelele by Jolie Holland or anything suitably snaggle tooth hill billy like... and under no circumstances should this be tried alone. the whole family must be around, no matter what age.)

1. take cobra out fridge onto lawn (if you could call it that) so no snake blood and drippy venom drops on kitchen floor. lay it out so everyone can go "oooo" "sis" "Oh. My. God." and such like. stand really close to its head in bare feet to freak your parents out for fun. and because you get a kick out of standing next to a cobra head which just MIGHT still have bit of venom dripping about the place.

2. hold cobra to see how heavy it is. "hurry ma! quick! it's slipping out! it's heavy!" safari c: "YOU hold it." me: " no fucking ways man. it's DISGUSTING."


3. see how long it is by holding it against last born. it is about 1.5 m. not the biggest i've ever seen. but big enough. imagine THAT slithering into your bed while you're fast asleep?



4. start twisting it into jar. rigormortis has started to set in. ever so slightly. still. don't let this stop you twisting and turning it into the chosen jar. remember to choose the right size jar from your nearest supermarket. in this case, shopright, arusha.


5. fitting it into the jar might prove difficult. do not give up. be careful to hold the head carefully.(see below)

6. take dramatic photograph of the head because it's so evil and vile before the next part of the pickling process.

7. squash head in with naked thumb. with caution obviously. not just sommer, like below.

8. liberally pour formaldehyde into jar on top of cobra.

9. once again, squash head INTO formaldehyde for full preservation and for fun.

10. close with air tight lid and hey presto! Pickled Naja nigricollis


toodely toot oh bestests...no kitchen board today because the internet is so slow, there is no power, the generator is on and it takes HOURS to upload photographs. so next time. when i'm back from zanzibar...(yessss!) bisous X.X.X. ahem, snaky kinky ones, yeah! x j.

21 comments:

fushandchips said...

Lordy, that's a big bastard. Are you pickling the snake as a present for ethan?

Janelle said...

it's a mother fucking big bastard hey? yeah. for ethan...will tie a yellow ribbon 'round the old...wha....? x j

elizabeth said...

YIKES!

family affairs said...

Very cool. Will remember that pickling process when I next find a snake in my bed. Do you think there are jars big enough for Builder Bloke? Ha ha. Ethan, once he's recovered will love it no doubt. HAVE FUN in Zanzibar Lxx

Linda Sue said...

Thoughts of Ethan- be good as new soon. Awesome snake! Icky process and get that Child's bare toes away! Freaky, very much!

Amanda said...

ok. i like snakes. or i try to like snakes. the cute little green garden ones not the ugggggghhhh frickin big black venomous suckers -- it slithered into his bed?? gad.......worst. nightmare. ever. or right up there.

your girl's a brave one, holding it up like some party favor ;-)

Dumdad said...

I. would. never. survive. in. africa.

Janelle said...

heh heh he..DD you funny. you so would. will pills or something? x word veri: bedsec...

Tavarua said...

Love iiitttttt

Great - enjoy Zanzibar

All the best, Tavarua

Reya Mellicker said...

Oh my bloody hell!! GOD ... gives me the willies and wigglies just to look at the pics. Damn you guys are not squeamish.

Can I imagine one of those IN MY BED??? Ewwwww Oh God. No, no no no no NO NO NO!!! NEVER!!! Yikes.

Settling down now.

Great post.

Janelle you are crying in your dreams because you have suffered so many losses lately. The grief has to go somewhere, eh? It can't be pickled, no matter how you squish the head of it into a jar.

Love to you.

Miranda said...

Heebie jeebies

Red Dirt Lattes said...

Next barbecue, out for condiment?

Robyn said...

I honestly have not stopped thinking about snakes since reading your last two posts!Bugger it!

karen said...

It is such a horrible and scary sight... so glad Ethan was OK! hope you are having a fantastic time in Zanzibar!

Mud in the City said...

Could you have pickled it in tequila? Would make an interesting condiment at parties?

Heather Keyser said...

okay. so that's just disturbing. though the pics are awesome : )

Lori ann said...

oh dear lord. i'm glad ethan is okay too. this is so scary. and why is the snake being preserved? is it staying at your house?
oh dear lord again.

Odysseus Trunk said...

Could be one of the coolest posts I have stumbled on!

Mama Shujaa said...

Good gracious me!

JoeinVegas said...

Oh, formaldehyde, I thought you meant vinegar and spices for later eating. Don't think it will be very tasty your way.

Celeste said...

Reminds me of one of the ones I had in my hut at Tena. All the guys from the kitchen came out to 'rescue' me. Wacked the crap out of the cobra and then left the carcass on the ground - job done. A while later Matt came back from a night drive and being the young stud went and picked up the carcass and was showing everyone the fangs etc. When he was done he threw the dead snake back on the ground where-upon it promptly slithered away!!! He suddenly looked really pale and went rather quiet!!! Seems the best thing to do with a spitting cobra is to pickle it :)