For some of us, myself and last born to be exact, school is NOT over. Far from it. We have 9 more whole days to go still. I swear time has slowed down. Marvelous. I’ve been wanting that to happen forever. But not at school. More like when I am on holiday. Still. Beggars can’t be choosers blah blah bleh.
It’s getting harder and harder to get up in the morning and make our way down the hill and into the school gates. The mornings are cold and the bed so warm and we’re tired. In order for us to look forward to something, last born and I have decided to write down all the new things we learn each day.
So I have been hurriedly perusing the school library shelves, paging through encyclopaedias and physics books. Surely I don’t know everything about dinosaurs, stars and atoms? I know I don’t. Nothing leaps from the pages. It's tricky, you see. The only rule is, stipulated by last born, that you can’t chase these new things down. They must come to you. I got what she was saying - like when new things 'reveal' themselves to you and you feel like you've won something. I feel I have cheated though. I have been chasing new things, manically hunting them down. The thought of disappointing her at the end of the day is too horrible to consider. Or perhaps it would be too depressing for myself - an entire day gone without learning a single new thing. Apart from discovering that a person is really an arsehole after all, which doesn't count, I don't think. I found a book on Things You Can’t Explain…or something along those lines... and spent the rest of the today reading about UFO’s.
There are Earthlings who have met Venusians (and Martians. But I knew that already)…and human type creatures from the Pleiades, my favourite constellation by the way. The people from the Pleiades warned the unsuspecting Brazilian farmer, who was busy ploughing his fields one dark night, in a monotone robotic voice, that “Earthlings must look after the planet or else…” we’ll all die. Well. Fuck. I wish we had listened. This close encounter was in 1967 or something. The thing is, because I learned new things about the stars the day before, about how they expand and are their own thermostats and that big stars die sooner and when stars run out of hydrogen, all hell breaks loose, I KNEW that it is an impossibility that any living thing could survive on a Pleiadean star. They’re huge and way too hot. And die off like crazy. Who’d imagine that of the Pleiades? That elegant twinkle of a constellation?
So, the question is, why did they have to lie about where they're from? The Brazilian farmer had a horrible experience. He tried to speed away on his tractor but the UFO interfered with the engine (UFO's play havoc with electrics) and it cut out mysteriously. He then tried to run away across the ploughed land but was caught and dragged onto the ship. A naked beautiful alien lady was thrown into a "cabin" with him. She proved irresistible. The Brazilian farmer (now a respected lawyer) is under the impression he might well have off spring somewhere out there among the stars.
Isn’t it annoying how many people fake photographs of UFO’s and aliens? By throwing hats and plates into the air? Bastards. It must be maddening to have actually been on a space ship, like our Brazilian, had an experiment done on you (most of them highly unpleasant like having a triangular device which was attached to wires and machines, shoved up one’s bottom while being watched by little beings with pale blue eyes in smart white space suits with silver belts, helmets and boots "the colour of dried blood.")and then no one will believe you. It is a common thread in all close encounter stories, that the little beings from other galaxies always offer a lovely tour of the space ships AFTERWARDS, which are very white and silver, an impressive match with their suits. Our brave Brazilian tried to nick a trinket off the ship as proof of his experience but was caught and thrown off board, empty handed, and went back to ploughing his field. An hour and a half later.
So. Imagine going through ALL of this and then after ALL that, no ones believes you. How maddening. Vexing. You must start to think you're going quite barmy. It makes me not want to believe the stories either but for one thing. My friend Adrian has seen a UFO and he isn’t someone to make things up and tell porky pies. He doesn't even know who Indiana Jones is. He is a bush man of the highest order. It was at night on the Nkwali road, in the middle of bloody nowhere, in the Luangwa Valley. It was definitely not a hat or a spinning plate but a silver flying saucer, well lit up. Other people spotted it across the southern African skies as it hurtled southwards and no one knew what it was.
I wonder if I can get away with learning about UFO’s if they aren’t true or haven’t been proven true?
As Myrtle (may she rest in peace) would say, “Well dear, you’ll wonder and wonder until the crows build nests up your bottom and then you’ll wonder how they got the sticks up there.”
Well now. Since reading about UFO’s, bets are on a stellar triangular device, actually, Myrtle…