so last night, after writing about the state of africa and all the horrors, i was tidying up my desk, or rather pretending to; sort of making vague fluttering movements with my hands- more like shuffling things around - and i found rubin's phone. rubin is my second born son - with the largest blue eyes you have ever seen and hands round, the size of plates - he is only nine. he is extraordinary. his mind thinks quite differently from the rest of the world. some of the time. in those wonderfully quite unexpected times. it's truly inspiring. and indeed, thought provoking. at times, plain mystifying.
he sees the spaces between the words and the lines. i remember once, when he was littler, i was reading a story to him. a story with no pictures. just printed pages and he said oh mummy look at that beautiful tree. so i looked outside. and he said no, there. and pointed onto the printed page. i said where? and he traced the shape with a chubby grubby finger between the words in the spaces and suddenly a beautiful tortillis tree leapt out at me. i was stunned. i battled to see the words again. all i could see was the tree. i didn't want him to lose this ability. but i think school is slowly training him out of it. he doesn't like reading. or writing. but he knows how many nuts and bolts it took to make the eiffel tower.
look. i KNOW mothers are not supposed to snoop but i can't help myself. so snoop i did. around his phone and into his text messages. i was immediately inspired to dedicate an entire post to this darling extraordinary person of nine and to share these utter gems with you. happily, i am one of the main recipients of these short and sweet messages. am wondering why i never received any? perhaps he sent them to another lucky person.
the recipients are: me, marnich (12yrs - friend of first born and rubin's) tinus (marnich's dad - marnich's very big dad. clearly marnich had his dad's phone i hope?) and rubin's dad, safari craig. i have not changed anything. these are direct transcripts. my comments are in brackets.
1) to me: Hi mum. Cum bake. (meaning come back... had i told him i was off to The Purple Planet again? where no-one can disturb me? from where i might never return? couldn't possibly have. used that one when they were really small so it had a devastating impact on their seperation anxieties - and worked like a treat. shut them up pronto.
me:" WELL DAMNIT THEN! MUMMY IS GOING TO THE PURPLE PLANET RIGHT NOW WHERE NOBODY CAN HASTLE ME AND ITS ALL PINK AND GREEN AND PEACEFUL AND FULL OF CHOCOLATE AND ANGELS AND I AM NEVER BLOODY WELL COMING BACK!!!"
lost frightened confused child: but mama can we come with to the Purple Planet? please mama (in very small and pathetic voice)
angry psycho white trash mother (probably clutching a cigarette back in those bayad ole smokin' days in the side of my mouth) : OF COURSE YOU BLOODY WELL CAN'T! WHAT WOULD BE THE GODDAMN POINT THEN????
2) to me:Hi mum. This is inposiballe (what? smsing? or spelling? or fitting the cat into a small tupperware tube? what?)
3) to me: three little phone images of cupid shooting his arrows..
4) to dad: Dad i need anathe bow (as in bow and arrows - dad is out in the middle of the bush obviously bumping into bow and arrow touting people)
5) to dad: hi dad was u.s.a fun? (pass. dad is sitting next to lake natron, a few miles from the kenyan border....?)
6) to marnich: Hi murnich cuming to storm braker from rubin
7) to marnich: Hi budy. Cuming to tgt. From rubin doria (just in case marnich was unsure which rubin was smsing him... like marnich has thousands of friends called rubin in arusha.)
8) to marnich: Hi manich.
9) to marnich: hi idiat (!!!??)
10) to marnich: Hi fuker. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the last three were sent in quick succession. )
11) to tinus (marnich's really big dad): shatup (!!??)
12) to tinus: (as above): so
and rubin is the only person i know who, on being accused of showing his middle finger to random drivers in the middle of town from the back seat when he was about 5, unbeknownest to me (well. he was being so good and quiet) said that it had been an accident. that it had all been a mistake. that he hadn't done it on purpose. like the devil made him do it..it all started when a green landrover overtook us and the driver turned laughingly, but slightly wide eyed, towards us as they sped off. i said, oh i wonder who that is? and rubin said oh i don't know. so i sped up and overtook the landrover. it was dave dot com, the IT man. a little while later safari craig called and said that dave dot com had phoned to report the fact that rubin was throwing the middle finger at passing traffic....
but not on purpose. not on purpose. sort of haphazardly, as it were. the hand had a life of its own. as hands sometimes do. oh whoops. there it goes again. whoa.
Kitchen Board: Friday Night (FRIDAY NIGHT?) 26 Sept 2008
Contributors: Veronica, Gabriella.