Monday, October 12, 2009

elephants in my soup...

(lovely harmless zebra)

half term has arrived just in keep those wolverine dead lines away from my door...i was so looking forward to lazy mornings in bed, lie ins, simply picking my nose and idly gazing at the view and every now and then pretending to work. but oh no. safari craig has returned from um, safari. just like that. pouf. and has plans. Plans. PLANS. so off on safari we must go. oh but MUST we? she whines. look. i'm not complaining or anything like that, you understand oh bestests. god no. but - just a little lie in? a little of not going anywhere? please?

we have recently returned from tarangire. a national park literally up the road. a couple of hours. as i've said before, things are bleak out there. dry dry dry. as general sir anthony hogmanay melchett sighed as he stared at the blank side of a map, "my god it's a dry and desolate wasteland out there..." so did i. en route to tarangire. one good thing about it being so desolate is that game viewing's a piece of old takkie. herds of buffalo, wildebeest, impala, zebra and hundreds of elephant scattered over the silale swamps like hundreds and thousands on a cake and round every blinking bend of the dwindling river. and around each corner of the path leading to your tent. and around the swimming pool. how they weren't in my soup boggles the mind. a simple walk to your tent to collect your cozzie demands extreme caution. you've got to run the goddamn gauntlet. or stay put. as t from fushandchips ( so aptly wrote: "...there's NO ways I'd do that ****, unless I could drill some eye holes in a 44-gallon drum, squat down and scootle around like a ned kelly-armoured dung beetle, protected from all sides and above."
(bloody baby arrogantly hoovering up desert dates whilst blocking path to my tent. enormous mother lurking just to the right of screen in ambush for any unsuspecting wandering fool)

well. my sentiments precisely. completely sensible. unlike the two swedes who foolishly had their photographs taken standing, oh, a few metres from the mama of the above, as i peered cautiously from behind the swimming pool wall holding my breath. (while penelope cruz look a like actually ran to the other side which had me sniggering. even second born, aged ten, thought she was hot. along with every other male in the near vicinity. so shallow.)

what in gods name were those swedes thinking?? at least penelope knows fear. godsakes. someone will be unduly squashed if caution does not prevale. i tell you.

(bloody family of elephant behind kitchen in car park planning next tactical manoevre. have you ever?)

i will confess i fell asleep for perhaps half of our all day drive - mouth unashamedly agog, head lolling side to side, waking every now and then to blindly swipe at and curse "these fucking tsetse flies...", vaguely notice another elephant two inches from the car and then return happily to my head lolling snooze. god. i am itchy.

now. as if that's not enough, the said safari c is now paving the way north. like bloody dr livingstone. to tangle wood and desert drear - the north side of lake natron - which really really is another planet, i kid you not - somewhere near the kenyan border where only the odd shifta walks - where the wind screams and howls like a choir of desert banshees, tearing at your tent and the heat is unspeakably oppressive. that said, i am never one to say no to new roads. i've always taken mr frost's risky advice. and also i don't want to appear whiney and wimpy. it's just not cricket old girl. so. i haven't even unpacked and northwards we shall go the day after tommorrow....donning arabic kanzus, wet kikois and those dashing dust goggles, which again, will be a sure feature. i've already booked a pair.

so. see you 'round like rissoles, oh bestest beloveds, soon. soon.

Kitchen Board: Monday Evening: early october 09

there will be a major packing of supplies tommorrow. must must not forget the coffee or the sugar. that would be a disaster of terrifying magnitude.( terrible things might happen out there if i forget the coffee, she gasps, wide eyed.) oh. and a 44 gallon drum. just in case. pre perforated.

toodely old toot, then y'all, bisous X.X.X wild 'n dusty ones, hooah. x j


family affairs said...

OH NO. I wish I was coming - remind me of Kapani lodge!. Fab photos of elephants and have a wonderful time - good idea to bring large drum. Use it in the car, it will stop your head lolling Lx

Bill Stankus said...

Perhaps having tourism so close to Wild Things is the best method for preservation of elephants and other critters. I don't think pochers and hunters would kill things when under scrutiny of people in hotels and such.

Janelle said...

indeed lulu, what a BRILLIANT idea. in fact, this means i can sleep the entire way, curled cosily in my drum. X j

you're absolutely right bill. what can i say? x j

Elizabeth said...

no elephants in Chelsea
RobDownstairs, whose dog Bhodi plays with Buster,
is the sea-lion keeper at the Central Park Zoo
does that count?!!!
Your life terrifies and amazes me in equal part.
I sure like reading about it.

Angela said...

And will you take Pam along? I`m jealous!!

tam said...

Oh you are just SHOWING OFF!! Gad you make me furious sometimes.

Janelle said...

hey geli! indeed pamu is coming along! should be a fun trip. xxx j
ooooh sheesh tam tam tamara...nooooo. can;t wait to see ya in dec! start selecting good hooch! xxx j

Dumdad said...

I felt thirsty and in need of a cool drink after reading about the oppressive heat and the dryness, the dryness. Like your wit, very dry but not oppressive.

Meanwhile, in the Parisian hinterland I tread warily in case a stray cat launches a ferocious attack on me on my way to the boulangerie or a crazed pigeon divebombs me .....

Nancy said...

You have the most exciting life from anyone I know! Really, who can say they have a family of elephants in their backyard?

Please God - send water to the animals and people of Africa - especially Tanzania.

Joëlle said...

Oh wow Janelle, have a wonderful trip and your pictures are breathtaking!

Lori ann said...

heehe elephants in your soup. you are such a clever girl with funny words and descriptions of epic proportions, i can't wait to hear what adventures transpire at lake natron.
still praying for rain!

Lori ann said...

i forgot to say i love your pictures!

Janelle said...

thanks y'all. just back from natron. awesome awesome awesome. got to let it sink in before i write...perspective and all that. but thanks again for comments. always always winging its way to you wherever you all are.. XX j

Janelle said...

why ever won't anyone else comment? now i have click myself outta the dark lil number of THIRTEEN...ooooergh.

karen said...

Those elephants and their tactical manoevres!!Great pictures as ever. Sorry I got here too late to rescue you from 13-ness, and you had to do it yourself!! Can't wait to hear about Natron - I do envy you going to all these wild wild places!

Bee said...

Well, I'm sorry that you won't be enjoying any lie-ins! What time do you get up when you are on safari?