Wednesday, November 9, 2011

how you see things.

presently i am feeling a little bit like how i imagine a nearly empty toothpaste tube feels being squeezed and squeezed.

i don't want to sound needy or anything ghastly like that. i would hate stephen fry to despise see, i want him to like me. i want to invite him to stay and be my friend and mentor forever. like when i was 10 i wanted to invite olivia newton john to come and stay on the sugar farm in zululand but dressed as Bad Sandy. my mother, naturally, encouraged me to like Goodie Goodie Sandra D but i wasn't having any of it. i wanted to be bad in those black tight clothes. i wanted high heels, red lipstick and cigarettes. and a rebel to love. i would muse for hours in the pool about it, watching the water scorpions circling lazily into the murky, luke-warm green depths. dreaming up possibilities. . .there was definitely something in me that simply, bravely and delightfully stupidly, knew it could be real.

i love stephen fry and wish for everyone to listen to this:

on days like these, best you take a ride in the twilight zone under a silver moon, laced in wispy clouds with kilimanjaro shyly between the hills, her melting glaciers in the twilight. take deep breaths of the wind and the smell of the injun hoss's dust as he spooks at the dik dik darting through the shadows on the hill.

on days like these, best you love your rebel, make secret curses and write dark gypsy songs.

on days like these, forget about impossibilities and know that anything and everything is possible....high heels, red lipstick and cigarettes to boot.

Kitchen Board

don't ask.
it involves first born peferring to walk home (up tenacious hill) than stay in the car with his raging mother...
must remember milk.
must try harder.
toodely toot y'all, bisous X.X.X. ragin' sad ones..just there. x j


Karine Ardault said...

take care... good music and horses. Week*-end is coming soon :)

Bee said...

I'm a ragin' sad one right now.
Funny, but I was just saying that I wanted some fellow lamenters.

So beautifully worded, as ever.

Bill said...

First, That's a terrific photo. Reminds me of the work of great photographers, such as Ed Weston and Imogen Cunningham.

Secondly, Transcendence comes to mind. Which bounces close to my question of the day:

"Why is Life impermanent?"

Thirdly, Who asks the rebel what he wants from it all?

Amanda said...

i've not heard of stephen fry but i already like someone who despises goal setting. thanks for introducing me to a new intellectual crush.

mysterious and beautiful words as always janelle.

p.s. bad sandy trumps milquetoast sandy any day.

Mike in Yellowstone said...

Perhaps to see things through a glass darkly? When I was 10, Roy, Gene,Hoppy, and The Duke were the baddest around, plus my dad's shiny red '57 Chevy coupe.

Spiked heels, ruby red lips, and Marlboro's came a little later, but the smoked glass at least seemed absolutely crystal clear then.

And now? Please don't play B-17.
Most interesting perspective in the photo Janelle.

Sorry, don't know Stephen Fry, but your own prose always seems to illicite lingering thoughts.

Linda Sue said...

Oh THANK YOU! Stephen Fry has been a long time fave and this clip is awesome- LOVE! Kindness!

Angela said...

Like Amanda, I have only come across Stephen Fry TODAY! (I have heard OF him, but never heard him talk). Fabulous. Can`t you invite him over to the Ngorobob Hills and exchange thoughts? I`m sure you`d get along splendidly! You could have a braai under the stars and play the guitar together and just be kind and cheerful, and you`d feel better and not think that you have to try harder. Let life just flow. It`s meant to be the way it is.

elizabeth said...

Ah, how one longed to be bad
and preferred the Stones to the Beatles
and best of all the terribly EVIL
Lou Reed.

Gabby's art work very lovely


Val said...

sometimes it feels like the business of life squeezes the life out of you eh. love Steven Fry too. tried to download - got the first 4 minutes. would love to hear the whole thing ; take care of yourself J, its hard to be always the energy giver x

toomuchaugust said...

stephen fry! "chasing is disastrous!"

that "beautiful, afraid person"= yesyes.

i like the way you see your world even while you are squeezed.

giving you back some xando

Francisca Matteoli said...

Great story, Janelle, and Stephen Fry is on my blog since the beginning. Have you seen the movie Peter's Friends, with him and all his english friends ? Well, that's what life is all about. Thanks for sharing, dear Janelle.
Francisca from Paris,

karen said...

I'm late here as usual.. will have to try stephen fry when my connection is faster - looking forward to that.

Hope you are feeling better by now.. and holidays must be just round the corner, too!

familyAffairs said...

OOOOHHHHHH NOOOOOO I"ve just given up Builder Bloke and my rebel and lipstick and leather jackets and don't say that to me because I'm miserable and it's boring without a rebel.....Lx

Reya Mellicker said...

Stephen Fry is one of my heroes. You are, too.

I recommend "Crimson" by Bobbi Brown if you're looking for the perfect red. That should scare your students' parents.


Chimera said...

Hey there oh lyrical soul girl - feel and understand your anxious brooding. The world is more than a little out of whack. Thinking of you and your high-stepin' horses and sending much love,
T x
p.s. did Mr. X ever reply to your note? T x