Sunday, January 20, 2013


My dear friend Pamu, artist, wise woman guru and mentor extraordinaire, recently translated the acronym of FOMO for me. I know I was born in a cave but this is about keeping up with the times, people. Thank god, then, for my guru. (Fear Of Missing Out, just in case you didn’t know either. Don't be shy.)  As I’ve grown older and older and older (and older), you’d imagine one would've grown out of this mind state, grown up, a little bit. Clearly (and horrifyingly) it seems this is not the case here…Someone (someone who I really like and wished they liked me as much) threw a party last night and invited everyone on the hill except me. I know I shouldn’t feel left out or offended (I have lectured myself incessantly since last night. Sternly, I’ll have you know.) but truly, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I must be uncannily lucky or protected by a host of angelic beings because, oh besties, if the Universe is as responsive as I believe it to be, I should be way up shit creek. 

You see, since finding out everyone was going except me, I have hatched such wicked, colourful and intricate plans of revenge, I fear to commit them to paper. They involve goats and/or pigs and scrolls with messages inside, firecrackers, much fanfare and Maasai herdsmen. The thing is, I probably wouldn’t have gone but it’s always nice to be remembered. I'm blaming this on being sent to boarding school at the tender age of 5 (which has obviously stunted my emotional intelligence. gulp. gulp.)...where the birthday girls would stand in the quadrangle before dinner and read out the names of all the lucky invited people who would sit at the table on the stage and get to eat chocolate log cake and sweets before chapel. The entire year would center around The Birthday List. Any slight misdemeanor would result in a curt and brutal: "Right. That's it. I. Am. Crossing. You. Off. My. Birthday. List." It was never very final and the lists would change endlessly - on and off like a lighthouse. Still. With childish hope brimming in your five year old throat, it was crushing not to be called out. 

So, my dear and loyal readers, I have spent today, this windblown, dusty white Sunday, in splendid isolation, drumming up ship loads of forgiveness and letting the heat burn away my bizarre and unworldly revenge plans. Far too complicated anyway. Instead, I donned my running shoes and headed for a walk out about on t' hill with the express purpose of taking photographs for you. It was really too hot for running and too early for gin. 
Here they are...
You: Oh god please no…Really? Reeeeally?
Me (purposefully ignoring any signs of protest as is my way): Here is my dog. The one who survived the cobra bites? Remember?

Here are the horses. 

Here are some rather beautiful bougainvillea. How can Damian hate them?

You (gaunt): Sigh....
Me: Here are acacia flowers which look like pom poms and mean it will rain. ha ha.

Here is a road, which might look interesting, enticing, to anyone with an imagination.

Here is a massive cactus.

And here, oh patient ones, is Felix!

He’s the early birthday present for last born. Two of the dogs are in love and utterly devoted to this little fella…The bitch, on the other hand, is pointedly ignoring him and all stiff legged. Mama Paka, the cat, is absolutely livid and would eat him for dinner if she could.

We are smitten.

FOMO be banished. You can win some but not all.
So there you are.
PS: is it better to be forgotten or purposefully not invited? 
I'm just sayin'.. jeez.

Kitchen Board: Sunday 20 Jan 2013: (dust storms starting...)

toodely toot y'all. you're on the birthday list for sure. bisous X.X.X. chocolate log ones...x yeah. j


Robyn said...

question is-next time you throw a shindig...will you invite this person?? Or are they crossed off your birthday list ? bloody rubbish- anyhow- you had much more fun taking photos! I just realised my running trousers are inside out- (think that says it all about my day)so not sure if i should just have a gin and tonic instead!

family Affairs said...

Oh dear - you and me are the same - and I haven't heard the expression FOMO and it is SOOOO me - all my friends know that I have to be the last person standing (or falling) at the party. There is always something I'm going to miss out on otherwise......

My favourite one is YOLO (You Only Live Once)....

I know how you feel and yes, what is worse, forgotten or snubbed.....not sure.

It was probably crap party anyway.

Love the photos and I've got some snowy ones for you in return.....


Janelle said...

ah lovely !! oh YES i think i would robyn...the problem is i think i need to throw more parties...rubbish at that...x

lulu! it was a fabulous party apparently. so. it's FINE! i've psyched myself. hurrah and noddy badges all round. x

Expat mum said...

Just popped over from Lulu's blog, and you know what - I think you were deliberately not invited because - she's jealous. (Not Lulu, - the party giver.)
Only someone with some deep-rooted jealousy or other insecurity would purposely not invite ONE person in the 'hood. And there's no way it could have been an accident - your postal system just can't be as crap as here in Chicago surely?

Janelle said...

hello expat mum! thank you for swingin' by!...well. not sure the motive...but yes, a clear omission here. whatEVa. c'est la vie c'est la vie tra la tra la! la vie est vraiment belle. x j

Anna-Marie said...

oh how I relate to that 5 year old boarding school story. as someone whose birthday is in December, I never EVER had the chance to celebrate and torture other children at boarding school around my birthday. I sustained that deep "wound" that pops up at the most inconvenient (and might I say - embarrassing) times and I make a bloody mountain over a molehill. I STILL feel that exclusion ... gaaa! You're normal in my books!

donna baker said...

So sorry you were hurt. We are still children in our minds eye aren't we? After nearly 400 posts, I would have thought I would have gotten more followers. One commenter ever said she was surprised my blog wasn't more popular. Ouch! Yet, I am alone most of the time on my farm, and blogging does give me a place to commiserate, to learn new and wonderful things, etc. Albert Einstein wrote, "The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before." I so enjoyed your walk and am grateful to have found your blog.

E Wix said...

My birthday was in the Xmas hols......therefore no birthday table or invires at school.CRY CRY I quite understand.
As for revenge fantasies ---look no further
I wish all sorts of evil on a certain person who is:
mean to her help who cry to me
who pretends to be kind
who bought her boobs......

should I continue?........

puppy looks a delight
cat obviously totally pissed off

loved photo of the road


why do you have word verification.
I am very old and cannot read all.
This is my second try

Bill Stankus said...

Ah hell, do the revenge ... if for no other reason it has become a mental game. Obviously, cover your tracks and make it appear someone did it. Preferably someone who's not a favorite.

I think that revenge thing is bible sanctioned.

auntiegwen said...

Visiting via Lu @ family affairs, not much I can say to help but sending love anyway xx

Janelle said...

Thanks y'all for swinging by! Lovely! Adore comments. Nice ones, obviously...! Not hurt, per se...still love my world and the people who are in it. Happy Mondays xxx j

nuttycow said...

Being NFI'd is the worse - it always makes me question myself "but what's wrong with meeeeeee?"

Sounds like you had a lovely relaxing day instead though. Love the bougainvillea. What an amazing tree (or is it a bush, I forget) you've got there.

Invite her to your next party - then she can see what an amazing woman you are :)

Sarah said...

What a woman after my own heart you are. Frankly, I was hoping you would indulge the revenge fantasies a bit more - the firecracker and goat combination seemed to have great potential. How is the writing coming? I think you need a beach know you will invited to every Vuvuzela foray.

JoeinVegas said...

We had a 70 year old bougainvillea in San Diego, but nothing near as marvelous as yours. Everything else looks lovely too. Thanks

Jeannie said...

I haven't popped in here in far too long, lovely - I have just two things to say. One, your neighbour is an insecure bitch. Or possibly, in the interests of being karmic about it, supremely absent-minded and hopefully mightily guilty?

Two, OMFG (my favourite) but dreadful things were allowed to go on in schools when we were wee things! Imagine that level of bitchy discrimination being allowed these days... it's a wonder we're not all gibbering idiots in the interpersonal arena. Just reading about it made me feel achy and 11 years old :(

Sterkte and thank you for the gorgeous photos, particularly the road <3

toomuchaugust said...

this is why we are related, not just by the stars we navigate, nor the cups of ink we drink.


Reluctant Memsahib said...

oh I definately think better to be purposefully omitted from a list. a red pen struck through your name with vigour, 'not HER', that spells colour and energy and character dammit (yours, not theirs, clearly: a donna karan moment if i remember correctly, not invited for fear you will steal the show, be funnier, more entertaining, more beautiful?). Much, much better that than NEFC ... Not Even F Considered! thinking of you x

Nicola said...

I have to agree with Reluctant Memsahib - the cow is jealous of you and was sacred people would hover around you the whole evening and ignore her. Don't invite her to any of your parties! Being snubbed is horrible - and humiliating.
Anyway - I LOVE the photo of the road. I want to be on asuch a road.
Byt vas. xx

Jane Maassen said...

definitely a jealous cow living down the hill from you! silly one too...because if i lived in your hood, i would make sure you could come to my party prior to inviting all others!!! i wouldn't let her mean petty nature change your being...if you throw a party, would you exclude so deliberately? not your nature! so have a bash, invite her first and be forthright with "i know you didn't invite me to your party, and it felt like i definitely don't want to make you or anyone else ever feel like that, thus, you are very welcome and i would love you to attend!"... xx